The choice point: towards moves and away moves.
Every urge is a fork. One move carries you toward the person you want to be; one carries you away. The skill is seeing the fork while you’re standing in it.
A choice point is any moment where you can make a “towards move” (an action that takes you toward your values) or an “away move” (an action that takes you away from them) — usually while hooked by a difficult thought or feeling.
Where it comes from
Developed by Joseph Ciarrochi, Ann Bailey and Russ Harris, first published in The Weight Escape (2013); Harris later expanded it as Choice Point 2.0 (2017). It is often miscredited to Harris alone.
How to do it
- Notice the hook. Something shows up — boredom, stress, loneliness, a thought like “just five minutes”, “you’ve had a hard week”, “you already blew it”. Being hooked is not a failure. Not noticing is what costs you.
- Name the fork. Say it: “This is a choice point.” Two moves are available. Not good and bad, not sin and virtue — toward what matters, or away from it.
- Ask what it moves you toward. Not “is this allowed?” but “does this take me toward the person I want to be, or away?” The question is about direction, not morality. It survives a bad mood; a rule doesn’t.
- Make one small towards move. Not a vow. A move. Stand up. Leave the room. Drop anchor. Text someone back. Small towards moves are the entire mechanism — recovery is a lot of them in a row.
Why it works on a porn urge
- It puts the decision back where it actually lives — in a hundred small moments, not in one heroic act of willpower at the worst possible time.
- It works after a slip too. Twenty minutes after an away move, there’s another choice point. That’s why a slip doesn’t have to become a weekend.
- It’s built on your values in your own words, which is why it holds when a rule imposed from outside doesn’t.
How WithAnchor does it
The Choice Point player walks you through the fork in the moment, and every choice point you log feeds the Stats tab — so you can see the towards moves adding up, including on days you also slipped.
It’s one of six practices in the app — use one, use them all. There’s no order, no progression, and no badge at the end.
Sources
Adrian writes from lived experience, not clinical practice. Nothing on this site is medical advice. WithAnchor is a paid iPhone app made by Doffy Labs, so we have a commercial interest in you finding this useful. We cite primary sources so you can check the claims yourself.
WithAnchor puts these techniques one tap away.
No streaks. No scoreboards. Progress that a slip can’t wipe out.
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