Passengers on the bus: they ride along. They don’t drive.
The urges, the cravings, the voice that says you’ll never change — they’re all on board. The metaphor that decides who has the wheel.
Passengers on the bus is an ACT metaphor: you are the driver, your thoughts and urges are passengers. They can shout, threaten and argue — but they cannot touch the steering wheel unless you hand it over.
Where it comes from
From the original ACT manual — Hayes, Strosahl & Wilson (1999). One of ACT’s most-used metaphors for values-based action in the presence of difficult internal experience.
How to do it
- You’re the driver. The bus is your life. You choose the route — that’s your values. The job is driving where you want to go.
- Meet the passengers. Some are loud. “You need this.” “One won’t hurt.” “You’re disgusting.” They’ve been on board a long time. Some of them got on when you were very young.
- Notice the deal they offer. The deal is always the same: go where we say and we’ll be quiet. People take that deal for years. It works — for about twenty minutes. Then the fare goes up.
- Drive anyway. You don’t have to throw them off (you can’t) or argue them down (you’ll lose — they know your material). You let them shout, and you keep driving toward what matters. They have no hands.
Why it works on a porn urge
- It ends the losing fight. You will not win an argument with a craving; it’s better at your material than you are. You don’t have to win it — you have to keep driving.
- It reframes the shameful voice as a passenger rather than a verdict. It’s noise from the back seat, not the truth about you.
- It explains why suppression fails: getting them off the bus isn’t on the menu. Only the wheel is.
How WithAnchor does it
The Passengers player lets you name yours — the ones that show up for you specifically — and practise driving with them aboard, out loud, on a quiet day.
It’s one of six practices in the app — use one, use them all. There’s no order, no progression, and no badge at the end.
Sources
Adrian writes from lived experience, not clinical practice. Nothing on this site is medical advice. WithAnchor is a paid iPhone app made by Doffy Labs, so we have a commercial interest in you finding this useful. We cite primary sources so you can check the claims yourself.
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